i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The beer is more important than you right now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
