I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this will be a night to untag.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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