Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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