Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
