i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
