I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
