we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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