this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
