Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
