Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
