ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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