threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I lost the right to judge tonight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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