I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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