next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
