Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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