It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
