So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
