but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
