Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
