so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
