fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
