so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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