If that was your dad, he is hot
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
