I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
