If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that was your dad, he is hot
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
