Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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