My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fill condoms, not promises.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
