I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
