I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He better not be in your backpack
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
