i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cut my penus on the lid.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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