Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
