fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
