He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
