I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
