I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My balls are so social today.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
