i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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