are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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