My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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