Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I could make wine with my vomit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
