I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
