Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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