im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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