I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
