My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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