I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
