ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
