Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
