You made me cry and you don't even care
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
