I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
