Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
