I wish life had little blips of pornography
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
