Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
