Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
