Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
