I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
