do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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