So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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