Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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