I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
