The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
